Calculations take their toll

“How many arithmomaniacs does it take to come up with such precise costs for toll charges?” wonders George Zivkovic of Northmead. “On the Hills M2 Motorway alone, charges are $2.76, $3.31, $4.68 and $9.35 for Class A vehicles. Transurban must be laughing, as it drives, all the way to the bank, and back again of course.”

Alison Brooks of Hope Island (Qld) and Allan Gibson of Cherrybrook wish to inform that the Philadelphia Police Commissioner is one Danielle Outlaw.

“With the Ashes now embroiled in controversy, it seems appropriate to move on from American bloopers (C8) to tales from Old Blighty,” says Marion Newall of Point Frederick. “In 1974, when my family and I were travelling around the UK in a Kombi, we were denied water for our vehicle at a service station in England because the owner said they were suffering from a drought. Understanding such suffering, I asked him how long it was since it had rained. His reply: three weeks.”

With that in mind and in the interests of statecraft, we agree it’s time to end the American discussion with this tale from David Gordon of Cranebrook: “In 1989 my family and I were on holiday in Austria. We had our passports with us to visit a salt mine in Germany. Two school teachers from the US were also on the trip, and noticed that Queen Elizabeth was shown in our passports. ‘Why don’t our passports show the Queen?’ they asked. I replied: ‘That’s what 1776 was about.’ As realisation dawned, the response was, ‘Oh, so that’s why we’re a republic’.”

“They’re switched on at Telstra,” reckons Garry Bryant of Thurgoona. “I took my mobile phone to the Telstra Shop for repair. Question: ‘When will it be ready for me to pick up?’ Answer: ‘We’ll ring you’.”

Latest examples of the majesty of rock (C8) come from the Sunshine State, with Robert Christie of Cleveland wondering how he could have forgotten the Gypsy Kings: “They made Hotel California listenable.” “Yo Gran, how about the Queens of the Stone Age?” asks John Elder of Annerley. “Can’t get much older than stone age.”

“Peter Lamrock’s calculations (C8) are out of whack,” asserts Jeffrey Gabriel of Gladesville. “The antipode of Berowra can’t be near Crete as both locations are east of the meridian. The antipode of Sydney is off the Azores islands in the middle of the Atlantic. Still in the water, though.”

Column8@smh.com.au

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