If a “dog sh*t” sex life is any indication, there could be trouble brewing in Staten Island between a couple of not-so-newlyweds.
Barely a year after their wedding (the first one, not the Las Vegas re-do), all signs point to Angelina and Chris riding the struggle bus. Tonight’s Jersey Shore: Family Vacation premiere saw Angelina admitting to the girls over a fancy plate of charcuterie that she hasn’t exactly been smushing with her husband.
“Our sex life is nonexistent at this point, and I don’t know if we can get the spark back in our relationship,” she told Deena and JWOWW. “I’m not the most perfect wife ever. I’ll yell at him and belittle him sometimes. I feel like we’re both wrong, but see how I’m admitting that to you? He won’t ever admit that he’s wrong.”
Shortly before Christmas, headlines hit the fan with rumors swirling that Chris was looking to remove his dirty little hamster tattoo, an homage to Angelina’s infamous cab shart that coincided with her Jersey Shore return.
Finally, after “rumblings in the streets about Angeliners,” Mike initiated a low-key group therapy session in the form of a virtual pizza party on Zoom — where it was revealed that Chris had “moved out like six times.”
Cue Mike: “For your husband to be moving out of your house six times? That’s wild. The next step is out the door.”
The Sitch really got concerned about his roommate after even more drama surfaced, including the dreaded D-word.
“This is just next level,” he said. “Just when we thought that everything was good from the [wedding] re-do, it’s not.”
Temporarily trading daddy prep for detective status, the ever-selfless BDS got down to business for his “secret project” — with a bulletin board, a Sharpie, and printouts of various tabloid articles and social media posts surrounding the couple.
“So it begins. There’s so much information coming in from the streets, from social media about Angeliner’s relationship falling apart,” Mike explained. “All signs lead to a toxic relationship right now…I have to put all these pieces of the puzzle together so that maybe I can try to help her at the end of the day.”
It’s no secret that Mike has helped a lot of people, including playing an integral part in mending fences after speechgate — but can he fix a potentially broken marriage? Comment with your thoughts, then watch it go down next Thursday at 8/7c.